Afterparty Account of AIW

I found this to be a nice read.

The lavish premiere of 'Alice in Wonderland' was a very important date for a grown-up Victoria Mary Clarke.

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When I was a little girl, my favourite book was Alice in Wonderland. Being possessed of an over-active imagination, coupled with a desire to live in a world where interesting and exciting things happened, instead of the dreary boring world of school and homework and more school, I was enthralled by the sense of the impossible becoming possible, the absolutely unthinkable even. I named my first doll Alice and tried setting fire to her to see if she would be resurrected. The fact that I had to rescue her instead was an early indication that real life and one's imagination did not always match up.

Many things about my life are mundane and ordinary. When I am washing the dishes or putting out the rubbish, I do not dwell in a wonderland. But Johnny Depp is a person who does inhabit a more magical world, and thanks to my friendship with him, I occasionally get to fall down the rabbit hole of life and go on madly exciting adventures. The opportunity arose the other day to meet him in London for the premiere of his new film Alice In Wonderland, and naturally I jumped at it. This occasion had the added thrill of being a royal premiere, which meant that Prince Charles would be attending. We were given strict instructions to wear black ties (for the gents) and evening dresses for the ladies. I immediately fantasised about chatting to Charles about vegetables and perhaps swopping tips on speaking to them and finding ways to get them to speak back. Shane, my partner, is not generally a fan of the royals, but he has a soft spot for Charles and was planning to discuss the music plants like to listen to.

As it turned out, Shane and I were due to launch our charity single for Haiti the night before Johnny's do, at the Brixton Academy, and Johnny was hoping to join us on stage to play the song. Just as we were about to take the stage there was an enormous kerfuffle and we were informed that Johnny was in the audience, sitting at our table, not knowing what to do. We sent someone to look for him, but like the white rabbit, he had disappeared into thin air, so we went on without him, and hoped for the best.

The next day it transpired that Johnny had somehow managed to magically bi-locate, which was not something that surprised us. Indeed, we rather wished we could bi-locate, after having drunk all the free champagne the night before and having to do interviews all day. By the time we were due at the premiere, we had dissolved into a heap on the bed, and could not move for several hours, which meant that we did not get to see the film and did not meet Prince Charles.

We knew we could see the movie anytime, but it would have been a crime not to have attended to after-movie party, especially seeing as so many people would have killed to get into it. So, with superhuman willpower, we managed it. Having got past security, at the Sanderson, we positioned ourselves on a water feature in the middle of an enormous room, filled with fountains and flowers and weird people in mad hats and fabulous gowns. A parade of waiters gave us things that said "drink me" and "eat me", so we did, all the while wondering how big we would get and how tipsy. We spotted Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter and a very handsome actor whose name we didn't remember winked at us, but we kept a safe distance, not wanting to disturb the dream by actually touching them. At one point Shane spotted someone who is definitely dead, which lead us to wonder if we too had died and gone to heaven.

After some time, we found ourselves being whisked off with Johnny to a secret location, which rather added to the sense of adventure. The secret location had a beautiful blue bar and bottles of Dom Perignon. In the spirit of Alice in Wonderland, we discussed a range of bizarre topics, from Finnegan's Wake (which neither Shane nor Johnny can bear to be without) to yoga, which Johnny and I are keen on, and in particular the headstand which we have not yet mastered. The two gents complimented each other on the James Bond-ness of their black suits, which were, it must be said, suitably smart. We confessed that we had missed seeing the film and he kindly offered to arrange a private screening. I asked if that could happen in our own house and he said he would see what he could do, as he generally does. He said he was thrilled to have been asked to play on the charity single and reminded us of the time that he had blown up the mixing desk while recording The Snake with Shane. Shane pointed out that he wasn't bothered about the mixing desk, he just wanted to make sure they captured the sound it made when it exploded.

Tragically, there came a time when we had to choose between opening another bottle of the drink that said "drink me", or going to bed, in preparation for the Late Late Show, the following evening.

"I'm going to Venice," Johnny said. "Why don't I take you to Venice?" But we had been in wonderland for a whole evening. And reality called us home, as it generally does.

'I Put A Spell On You', by Shane MacGowan and friends, featuring Johnny Depp, is available for download from www.irl.org.uk.

I have a weird mental image of Johnny accidentally blowing up a mixing desk and Shane trying to capture the sound it made... and also of Johnny trying to do a headstand and failing....

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